Catch Up/Match Up/Up Til Now

Well its been awhile.

I started blogging at this other place but I just cant be myself and what I really want is somewhere to bare my soul. I dont know if Im searching for understanding or just a friendly ear that may not even be there. But whatever it is... It feels like it might be here.

It feels like when I was young and confused and upset, I used to talk to this program called Dr.Sbaitso. It was an early attempt at a conversational program. It would also read whatever you wanted it to, but I used to talk to it, knowing there were no answers coming.. but being comforted that someone was at least listening.

Since my last blog entry there is much to discuss, so in a nutshell... business is growing slowly. I rented an office and am currently setting it up. Wife went away for a few days and sent me some sweet texts.. I sent some back... I had been spending a few days with Cheryl, who I am not allowed to be friends with. Just a few moments and I forgot how much she made me smile. I felt guilty about spending this time with Cheryl and once again I recommitted myself to my marriage... but my wife returned cold. We still havent spent a night in the same bed.

Please dont think I am talking sex. A long time ago I came to the conclusion that if I found the perfect companion, sex would not be necessary. I mean.. Id be a little frustrated.. but I could sacrifice that part for the rest. What I am talking about is the intimacy, and the caring. The bond that is created between two people who are so close to each other that they spend every moment they can together. I dont have that and as I write... I can feel a lump forming in my throat.

Ron has his problems too. As he planned his exit from his marriage (A well deserved exit) his wife has found herself pregnant with his child. What a bitch. We were wondering why she was suddenly "into" intimacy with Ron. Turns out she secretly went of the pill. Guess Ron shoulda got the snip.

Enter a social site which I blundered into being on. This site is full of forward thinking beautiful women and they are all into me... well.. not all of them... but many like me. I'm being invited to parties all over North America and some have even offered to pay my way there! Of course I decline and say I'll try and make it.. but secretly I know I can't. Or won't. I know that sex will be thrown at me like crazy (I am not that good looking.. I am not sure what all this is about) and I dont know how many times I can turn it down. I'd like to think that I can a lot, but a few drinks or some unintentional narcotic intake and I don't know where my head would be. Maybe it'd be good for me. All I see is the end of my current life... not able to see the beginning of a new one.

Ok... So enough drudgery, I read Shatners book "Up Till Now" and I have to say its pretty good. It was given to me for free, and I peeled through it. I'm not a Shatner fan... but I am now. I wanna go rent Boston Public.. or Legal... I forget which one he's on...

Ok this is long enough. I'm back, friends... Sorry for the absence

-Mouse

And I think it's gonna be a long long time
Till touch down brings me round again to find
I'm not the man they think I am at home
Oh no no no I'm a rocket man
Rocket man Burning out his fuse up here alone