Numb

It sure has been awhile, but Halloween seems like as good a time as any to post about the demons within. Though demons doesnt seem like the right word.

I've been watching Dexter and its kinda scary how much I identify with the main character. He's a serial killer, which I am not, but I do feel this ridiculous emptiness most of the time. I feel numb, and I hate it. I know theres more emotion out there because I listen to music and feel it... but when I turn off the music, all I feel is empty and numb.

Switching to work, things are busy but I would like them to be busy. I want another client, and I screwed up a quote not too long ago. Still bugs me.

I dont think I told the blog, but I went on a secret vacation. I went with two friends and one was Cheryl. We slept in the same bed but it wasn't anything sexual. It was nice for me to feel another person in my bed. I woke her up every morning by brushing her hair with my fingers, and she'd roll over and smile, or smirk at the early hour. It was just... nice. Nice to feel like someone gave a crap and appreciated me.

As for me and wife... we are still married, sleeping in different rooms and we find out in a few weeks if she is pregnant. If she isnt... I dont know what I'll do. Part of me feels like she'd be happier without me, and part of me feels like she'd jump off a building.

I feel empathy for other people, so thats something I guess. I just want to feel happy.